Family of One Goes to McCrady's

When in Charleston recently on one of my monthly business trips, I decided to branch out from the usual places I go where I am considered, well, part of the family. Sean Brock had just won the James Beard Award for the Southeast, so I thought it might be fun to give it a try. I was also desperate to sit with my book and just have a lovely meal and do some observing, something that always rejuvenates me.

Sometimes, my experiences dining alone in the fancier Charleston restaurants have been less than stellar. I am often treated much worse than when I started going to fancy restaurants alone in the early 80s although now I have the confidence to speak up. I had no reason to think that McCrady's would not be welcoming. I had dined there alone on a Saturday night ten years ago and was treated wonderfully.

So, it was a combination of sadness and something close to rage that I spent my first half hour at McCrady's. I was given a prime table on a banquette overlooking the room. I was at a comfortable space between two couples who were all sitting on the banquette. Both couples were around my age. One couple was eyeing me in a friendly and kind way. One couple was making out.

I was treated in a dismissive fashion by the waiter who did not introduce himself or make eye contact and acted as if he would prefer that I was dining at the Wreck of Richard and Charlene. On his second pass, I made the point--somewhat tactfully, I hope--that I am a big fan of the James Beard winners and try to get to as many of their restaurants as I can. I hated to be so potentially pretentious, but I wanted him to know that he was dealing with a neophyte who would not know a ramp from a shallot. Twenty minutes go by and all I have is ice water. In the meantime, he has served four tables and brought cocktails to a fifth.

I catch his eye and he frowns as he comes over to the table. "Sir, I find it bordering on disrespectful that you have not even taken my drink order after the amount of time that I have been sitting here. Is there an issue because I am here alone? Because I am feeling that there is something slightly hostile going on here."

Christ on a crutch, I hated to be so blunt, but I had time to think through what I was going to say and the letter that I would write to Sean Brock. Does winning a James Beard award give you the leeway to make your guests feel so badly? The waiter did not seem perturbed; however, within about five minutes, I was approached by a warm and kind waiter with the most appealing demeanor.

"Hello, Mrs. Southern," he greeted me. "May I call you by your first name?" I was so stunned by this turn of events that I could only nod. "OK, I will call you Miss Jo," he rather somberly stated. "Well," I said, "that is not really my name, but if you want to call me that, it's fine". And, indeed, I liked the idea of being called Miss Jo--it had a rather jaunty ring.

Ross and I very quickly established that I was thrilled to be in the restaurant and wanted to try as many flavors as possible, so we set up a mini-tasting. In the meantime, the couple on my right had become very engaged with my efforts to receive service and I ended up having the most delightful time with the Kellys from Minneapolis who were celebrating their 25th anniversary. We were laughing! We were screaming! We were discussing how to get to the aforementioned Wreck of Richard and Charlene! I was as happy as Bo Diddley.

And, when the food started coming, I was very happy that I had stayed--

***yellow squash bisque with wild ramps from West Virginia-lovely with a delightful lemon undertone
***Special of the Day which was a warm vegetable salad with the most vibrantly tasty, interesting array of vegetables with four or five dollops of various sauces (I actually replicated this at home with moderate success)
***Kimberly's stone crab with strawberry gazpacho, green strawberries, and wood sorrel which was one of the best things that I have eaten all year and for which I told them that need to charge at least five more dollars
***Country friend sweetbreads with Sea Island red peas and Wadmalaw onions

The dessert was one of the most interesting presentations, if not tastes, that I have ever seen (and that is saying a lot)--10 different flavors of sorbet about the size of a marble on ten petite ice cream cones and standing up in an especially made holder. There was coconut and basil thyme and blueberries and cream. . .frankly, the sorbet was not as memorable as the presentation, but it was a fabulous way to end the meal.

Ross and I continued to have a wonderful time and I asked him what had been going on that I had been treated so dismissively. He said that JJ had gotten a whole bunch of tables at once and just got overwhelmed. Then, when he got off to such a bad start with me, he just decided to have as little to do with me as possible. I pondered this. I was not happy that things had started out so bumpy and I felt that JJ should have not been afraid to make amends. But, I decided to implement one of my favorite tenets about dining alone--behave as if you are a guest in the chef's dining room, not a customer.

I asked JJ to come over and I told him that since he had been my waiter, I wanted to give him a gratuity and I discreetly handed him a ten-spot. I thanked him for making sure that I was taken care of and we ended up having a very pleasant exchange.

Now,I can hardly wait to go back! And, almost more importantly, it was a valuable reminder to me when dining alone--nothing is about you, but then again, everything is about you, so it is up to you, the guest, to make of the experience what you can.

Family of One Ponders Movie Etiquette

I had one of the most lovely experiences at a Saturday night movie in Miami that I have had in years. Driving home along the leafy, winding roads to Coconut Grove, I thought--why can't all experiences at Miami theaters be like this? The movie that I saw was nothing special---Just Wright--which is a fun little romance with Queen Latifah, plenty of NBA action, some jazz, and some stunning shots of NYC. What was best about the movie was the audience--about 50% of the theater full of folks of all ages including one whole row of teenage girls. No one kept their blackberry on, issuing that annoying light. No one talked on the phone. No one screamed out or talked incessantly. And, here is the part where I felt like I was in a dual reality--folks were shouting at the scream, en masse, "kiss her" and hissing at the villianess and breaking into applause at the appropriate times. There was--and I hate to use this cliched phrase-such a wonderful energy that I left the theater so in love with Miami.

This is not usually the case, especially on Saturday nights, as moviegoers in Miami tend to be loud, selfish, stupid, and rude. I continually have to play MJ Southern, movie palace policewoman, which distracts from my overall film experience as well as possibly earns me death threats or, at the very least, nails in my Camry tires.

In fact, I try to go to the movies in NYC as much as I can because the audiences there are so respectful. I recently saw The Secret in Their Eyes at the Lincoln Cinema Plaza, an arthouse that could definitely use a sprucing up. But, I loved it because, even though the theater was completely full, there was total silence and no eerie lights emamanting from people's laps. Of course, the median age of attendees was probably 52, but nonetheless, it was refreshing to attend a movie where folks actually wanted to watch it.

I have been grappling with what do about asking folks to shut off their blackberries. I would be very interested in your thoughts on this. Shushing people is not that difficult, but asking them to keep their texting and incessant checking delayed until after the movie is something that I have not mastered. The few times that I have said, "could you turn that off until after the movie?", I only get comments like "this can't be bothering you" or "I'm not talking" or "I can't be out of touch" or "shut your hole, Granny". I made that last one up, but it's pretty close to a real reaction.

Lately, this is what I have been doing. At the sure-to-be-a-classic Hot Tub Time Travel, I was surrounded by folks with their phones glowing merrily and the sound of Chiclets being chewed in SurroundSound. These people were, for the most past, what appeared to be UM students, so I had a real challenge to untether them from their life support. The fellow on my left appeared to be a graduate student, so a little older and hopefully wiser. Every time he lit up his device, I leaned over and said, "who are we texting now?" This, of course, garnered me exasperated and even irritated looks, but I kept this going. Now, people around us were shushing me, but I said, "I am just seeing what my seatmate is texting, so you'll have to forgive us". I stared him straight in the eye and said, "look, I will annoy you to death as long as you are annoying me with your blackberry. Every time you look at it and that light comes on, I want to see what is being written to you. You feel that it is OK to disrupt my viewing experience, so I have the same right to disrupt yours. Don't you agree?"

This actually works, but, Christ Almighty, it is so tiresome! I will look forward to any suggestions you have for ameliorating the Friday/Saturday night viewing experience. Please don't suggest only going on weeknights or waiting for the DVD. Sometimes, there are movies that must be experienced with a crowd on opening weekends and I can't let being a Family of One deprive me of that privilege.