Family of One Ponders Movie Etiquette

I had one of the most lovely experiences at a Saturday night movie in Miami that I have had in years. Driving home along the leafy, winding roads to Coconut Grove, I thought--why can't all experiences at Miami theaters be like this? The movie that I saw was nothing special---Just Wright--which is a fun little romance with Queen Latifah, plenty of NBA action, some jazz, and some stunning shots of NYC. What was best about the movie was the audience--about 50% of the theater full of folks of all ages including one whole row of teenage girls. No one kept their blackberry on, issuing that annoying light. No one talked on the phone. No one screamed out or talked incessantly. And, here is the part where I felt like I was in a dual reality--folks were shouting at the scream, en masse, "kiss her" and hissing at the villianess and breaking into applause at the appropriate times. There was--and I hate to use this cliched phrase-such a wonderful energy that I left the theater so in love with Miami.

This is not usually the case, especially on Saturday nights, as moviegoers in Miami tend to be loud, selfish, stupid, and rude. I continually have to play MJ Southern, movie palace policewoman, which distracts from my overall film experience as well as possibly earns me death threats or, at the very least, nails in my Camry tires.

In fact, I try to go to the movies in NYC as much as I can because the audiences there are so respectful. I recently saw The Secret in Their Eyes at the Lincoln Cinema Plaza, an arthouse that could definitely use a sprucing up. But, I loved it because, even though the theater was completely full, there was total silence and no eerie lights emamanting from people's laps. Of course, the median age of attendees was probably 52, but nonetheless, it was refreshing to attend a movie where folks actually wanted to watch it.

I have been grappling with what do about asking folks to shut off their blackberries. I would be very interested in your thoughts on this. Shushing people is not that difficult, but asking them to keep their texting and incessant checking delayed until after the movie is something that I have not mastered. The few times that I have said, "could you turn that off until after the movie?", I only get comments like "this can't be bothering you" or "I'm not talking" or "I can't be out of touch" or "shut your hole, Granny". I made that last one up, but it's pretty close to a real reaction.

Lately, this is what I have been doing. At the sure-to-be-a-classic Hot Tub Time Travel, I was surrounded by folks with their phones glowing merrily and the sound of Chiclets being chewed in SurroundSound. These people were, for the most past, what appeared to be UM students, so I had a real challenge to untether them from their life support. The fellow on my left appeared to be a graduate student, so a little older and hopefully wiser. Every time he lit up his device, I leaned over and said, "who are we texting now?" This, of course, garnered me exasperated and even irritated looks, but I kept this going. Now, people around us were shushing me, but I said, "I am just seeing what my seatmate is texting, so you'll have to forgive us". I stared him straight in the eye and said, "look, I will annoy you to death as long as you are annoying me with your blackberry. Every time you look at it and that light comes on, I want to see what is being written to you. You feel that it is OK to disrupt my viewing experience, so I have the same right to disrupt yours. Don't you agree?"

This actually works, but, Christ Almighty, it is so tiresome! I will look forward to any suggestions you have for ameliorating the Friday/Saturday night viewing experience. Please don't suggest only going on weeknights or waiting for the DVD. Sometimes, there are movies that must be experienced with a crowd on opening weekends and I can't let being a Family of One deprive me of that privilege.