Family of One Faces a Family Crisis

As you know, just hearing the word "family" sends me into something akin to orbit.

There is nothing like family. Family comes first. No one loves you like family. All phrases pretty much without meaning to me. As much I don't want to write that, it is true.

Until last week, when I saw, in action, that the family we create for ourselves is, indeed, the family of which platitudes are made.

At a sales conference in Dallas with my work family, I was tracked down by social workers and surgeons and nurses at High Point Regional Medical Center and told that Aunt Louise was in grave danger due to an infection that had gone untreated by her own physician.

Regular readers will recall that he is the one who was cursed out by the assisted living administrator who told him that he did not deserve to represent the Hippocratic oath for the horrible treatment he had given my 93 year old aunt.

His nonchalance is still wreaking havoc, two months later. With Aunt Louise semi-conscious, not able to swallow, and not coherent, the next of kin had to step in. Of course, Aunt Louise being Aunt Louise, she had refused to name a next of kin because she was afraid that it would hurt someone's feelings.

Christ, what a debacle. Between Mother's standard flair for the dramatique, my father's complete lack of attention because the doctor calling was from India and he professed not to understand him, and my getting bits and pieces of the story. . .well, it was just a bit stressful.

I was able to give the necessary authorization, but was told that we should be ready to move her to hospice.

Mother, of course, sees hospice as the multi-purpose solution, not realizing that it is, of course, a synonym for death's door. Mother kept telling the social worker, "Let's just put her in hospice and wait for her to get better". The social worker said to me, "do I have to continue dealing with Mother?" I would not have been surprised to hear Mother waxing rhetorically about the possibility of a kidnapping.

I had to decide whether or not to fly into the maelstrom that is my family in the greater High Point area.

At this point, I saw what it means to have "family". I walked back into a meeting room in which sat several of my nearest and dearest friends. Just seeing their faces as they assiduously worked on their spreadsheets brought joy to my heart. I would know what to do and they would be there for me. My beloved C talked me through several options. Dearest J and Darling J helped me focus and offered their wonderful perspective. New friend W offered practical and loving advice.

I made the decision to protect my mental health. I could manage Aunt Louise's care at a distance and probably do a better job from my own surroundings. I did not fly to High Point. At last report, Aunt Louise is holding her own. Yesterday she was doing "great"--eating ice cream and watching Carolina play Virginia Tech. Now, she is facing more surgery, but I am confident that she is receiving excellent care and I talk with her a couple of times a day. Whether her final days are next week or next month or next year, I am comfortable with how this is going.

Now, here is the part where I should write that it was wonderful to have that understanding of how a family can be a good thing. And, that is true. But, unfortunately, having seen that up close has only made me a bit sad for my life in Miami without anything close to family.

I can't tell you how many of you have told me your own stories of living in a place where you know so many lovely people, but your close friends are elsewhere. I know you will empathize and not think, "Lord Jesus, what else does this woman want? She has such a great life."

And, of course, I get to see my "family" often enough, maybe every two or three months. But, as I toy with goals for this new decade, I ask--maybe it would be a good thing to have one close friend nearby.

I am sure that by tomorrow, I will be back at 100%, delighting in my independence and, indeed, I have another post to share about my recent Christmas dinner. But, just for tonight, it feels good to let my guard down just a bit.