Family of One-Introduction

I spend a lot of time alone. I mean, a LOT.

I live alone, I work from a home office, and I live in a city where I have many lovely acquaintances, but no close friends. I have no spouse, no children, no siblings. My parents and my aunt live 800 miles away; they are 87, 90, and 93 and, while they are in reasonably good shape, they do not form what could be called a support network.

I used to dread seeing the look that would cross the faces of folks that I met on a plane or a business meal or at church when they heard that I had no spouse, no children, no siblings, elderly parents. I used to dread the invitations to “bring your family” to the Doodad Festival and “make sure to bring enough food for your family to share”. I won’t even give you the list of epithets that escaped my lips when I heard about couples-only and family-only events. And, the thought of a weekend alone with no plans would always remind me to focus on the fact that, one day, there would be someone with whom to share everything.

A few years ago, I was consumed with the thought of becoming an orphan. I fretted endlessly about what would become of me when I no longer had my parents .I had recently gone through a break-up with my boyfriend of nine years and, shortly thereafter, I lost my job which had been my primary form of self-identification for 20 years.

Then, things got even worse.

I have since read that all of us go through a period usually in our 40s/50s called “the rapids”when we are coping with a great amount of loss/changes in a short time and that the tumult can be almost overwhelming. Demons are unleashed, problems appear unsolvable, and hope is in very short supply. I thought long and hard about what was the point of any of what we call our lives.

As horrible as that time was, I learned a lot about leaning on yourself, knowing whom to trust, and savoring the serendipitous moments that lead you back into the light.

I realized that I had been living in a state of suspended longing, thinking that I would not always be saying that I was alone. And, then, I realized what a wonderful gift it truly is to have this freedom. I started looking on those empty weekends as wonderful opportunities to read or sleep or cook or watch 50s sitcoms, all of the things we say that we will do one day. I realized that even if something did happen to my parents, it would be OK if I happened to be strolling down the Via Giuliana and I began traveling to, well, pretty much wherever I felt like going. I started saying “no” when the church called me to prepare a dish for—you know---a family.

It dawned on me that I was a family---a Family of One. It made a lot of sense and I was shocked that I had not thought about it sooner. I had actually gone down the road of joining “groups” and becoming part of “communities”. But, if you have ever been around me in a group of more than about six or seven, you will realize that I sometimes seem distracted. This is because my brain is doing this kind of exploding thing trying to take everything in. I had always thought that I might have some kind of unusual mental disability that could be found in the DSM III.

Of course, upon thinking it through, I realized being alone was a pretty natural state for me—after all, I had spent my formative years alone as an only child with only a visit from a cousin every couple of years; the first nine years of my career on the road, driving, eating, hanging out alone; and lived most of my life on my own. Why it was a miracle that I was even walking around!

So, being comfortable alone made perfect sense and I stopped all of that nonsense about trying to make myself happy in a large group of people. I finally understood that I was happy to go out by myself and talk with interesting people that I met and observe the human condition while having a wonderful meal or strolling through a museum.

Before you start thinking I am getting all Lifetime Movie on you, just think about the people you know who are single and, if you are single yourself, think of how much fun (and support) we can have talking about ourselves in such an optimistic way.

Every week or so, I’ll write a piece about—mostly—the joys of being a Family of One—my favorite experiences. But, of course, I’ll have to let you know some of the irritations and pensive moments as well.


Upcoming Posts—(suggestions welcome)—include----
Family of One Goes to Eleven Madison Park (latest four-star restaurant in NYC)
Family of One Attends a New Church
Family of One Sends Scathing Looks to Miscreants at the Biltmore Gym
Family of One Sees Ponyo
Family of One Plans a 60th Anniversary Celebration for the Parental Units